my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
