he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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