How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
