a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
