Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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