it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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