the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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