OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
