Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
