How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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