I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have started to decorate penises.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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