Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
