Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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