The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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