Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
