dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
