boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
