I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
