Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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