found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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