Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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