Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
