I'm going to rape someone's good day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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