why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We had sex on a dog bed..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
