that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
