if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
