What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
