His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
smell my finger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
