Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
