My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
