Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize