Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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