The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
