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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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