Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
