i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
