Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just google imaged poop.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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