I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
