Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
