I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
