Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
