false alarm. still invincible.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
