no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
