I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
