i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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