Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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