so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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