I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
