Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
