I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
