you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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