so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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