the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
