My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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