FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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