i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
