my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
