it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
