Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
