HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
