you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
